Life has gotten harder than usual. My depression has morphed into anxiety and I experienced my first panic attack last week. On top of that, my aunt has suggested she doesn’t want me using her vehicles anymore, and I feel that my time at her place is rapidly coming to an end. I spent the weekend with my best friend as being around her is safe for me, and she was there for me when I started trying to find new homes for my dogs which is one of the hardest things I’ve had to face.
My church is in the middle of a 21-day fast to see where God wants to take them this year, which sparked the idea of me fasting. This has a couple of purposes: to seek God in a way I haven’t in years, to convince God I am all in for whatever He has coming for me, and to receive blessings from God in a powerful and quick manner. Lately I’ve been reminded often that He knows what I need, and therefore he knows how urgent my needs are. My trust in Him is complete, and I’m busting my ass to do everything I can to get in the way of blessings He’s sending for me.
The day before I started my fast, Shannon’s neighbor told me he has a lead on a fifth-wheel I might be able to live in on a rent-to-own contract. I’m waiting to hear back on that lead.
On the first day of my fast, my hunger reminded me throughout the day to focus on God. I was rewarded with a phone call for a job interview.
On the second day, I was remembering things about my marriage and received forgiveness for expecting things from my ex that only God could have provided. I also forgave him for blaming me for my depression. I went to my interview and am very excited about the prospect of working for this company. They said they will have an answer for me in two days (the day after my fast is completed).
On the third day, I feel better than I have in a long time. The depression and anxiety seem to be taking the day off, and I’m feeling energetic and excited for what God is orchestrating to happen next! God has given me a lead on a place to live that’s very close to Shannon, a possible new job, and now I’m waiting for my car to show up. But the amazing thing is, aside from these three main physical needs I have, I have been experiencing God in new/familiar/long-missed ways. My physical hunger has helped focus my mind on His presence, which I know is a way for me to bless God. This fast has been such a fantastic exercise in my faith!