My Fasting Fleece

Life has gotten harder than usual. My depression has morphed into anxiety and I experienced my first panic attack last week. On top of that, my aunt has suggested she doesn’t want me using her vehicles anymore, and I feel that my time at her place is rapidly coming to an end. I spent the weekend with my best friend as being around her is safe for me, and she was there for me when I started trying to find new homes for my dogs which is one of the hardest things I’ve had to face.

My church is in the middle of a 21-day fast to see where God wants to take them this year, which sparked the idea of me fasting. This has a couple of purposes: to seek God in a way I haven’t in years, to convince God I am all in for whatever He has coming for me, and to receive blessings from God in a powerful and quick manner. Lately I’ve been reminded often that He knows what I need, and therefore he knows how urgent my needs are. My trust in Him is complete, and I’m busting my ass to do everything I can to get in the way of blessings He’s sending for me.

The day before I started my fast, Shannon’s neighbor told me he has a lead on a fifth-wheel I might be able to live in on a rent-to-own contract. I’m waiting to hear back on that lead.

On the first day of my fast, my hunger reminded me throughout the day to focus on God. I was rewarded with a phone call for a job interview.

On the second day, I was remembering things about my marriage and received forgiveness for expecting things from my ex that only God could have provided. I also forgave him for blaming me for my depression. I went to my interview and am very excited about the prospect of working for this company. They said they will have an answer for me in two days (the day after my fast is completed).

On the third day, I feel better than I have in a long time. The depression and anxiety seem to be taking the day off, and I’m feeling energetic and excited for what God is orchestrating to happen next! God has given me a lead on a place to live that’s very close to Shannon, a possible new job, and now I’m waiting for my car to show up. But the amazing thing is, aside from these three main physical needs I have, I have been experiencing God in new/familiar/long-missed ways. My physical hunger has helped focus my mind on His presence, which I know is a way for me to bless God. This fast has been such a fantastic exercise in my faith!



The Backstory

I am a ginger named Lisa, a proud dog mom, and a Daughter of the King. These are the things I know to be true, and are such a part of my identity that they cannot be changed or taken from me. There are many other things about me that are also true, but like many things in life, they are fluid and changeable: I am 34, I am twice divorced, I have depression, I am very nearly homeless.

2017 left me broke and broken, desperate and destitute. My divorce led to selling the house at a loss, which meant I had to stay with family for a while. That was supposed to lead to a job and getting back on my feet and has instead brought me to live with an elderly friend (who requires as much assistance as a live-in caregiver) and a part-time, minimum wage job.

I have decided that I’m sick of getting shit on by life, so I’m taking a new approach to everything. I am pursuing God and His blessings like I never have before. I am refusing to stay broke, in a job that doesn’t pay my value, and couch surfing with my pups.

Since writing by hand takes so much longer than typing, and I struggle with the look of how I write (does your handwriting constitute a font?), this will be my record of becoming a [insert adjective here] person. Successful? Faithful? Rich? I don’t know yet. I certainly hope all of those will apply, but for now I just need to be not broke and not homeless.

If there is anyone out there reading this that’s not me or my best friend, please note the following: I fucking love profanity. This blog/journal/record will be full of it. It will also be full of verses and passages God has led me to work through. Those things are not mutually exclusive. Also, I love humor. I am one of the two funniest people I know, and we are both very sarcastic. If you can’t read sarcasm and get it, this isn’t the blog for you. If you can handle those two things, you’re welcome to stay and see what happens when I become a person.